So, what's been up?

I'll tell you, love.

It's been a rather long time since I really told you what's up.
The last time we spoke, I was telling you about how I'd missed another day of school.

Well, the week progressed and it was kind of okay. If I remember correctly, the Wednesday after that absence, I took my PSATs again (not because I failed, but because my school offers it for free to sophomores and juniors, so I did it both years). They went well. I really feel like I did a good job, but of course, you can't have any guarantees with that sort of test. I do know at least one problem that I got right and most people got wrong, though. I can't wait for my test scores in December.

Then, on Saturday, my best friend Abbie, her boyfriend, and I went to this haunted house carnival thing* and had a great time. We didn't really do much but watch the freak shows and talk, but it was still pretty great. The freak shows, by the way, were DISGUSTING. The first one we saw had this chick snort a condom and then pull it out of her mouth, and then this guy licked it and then swallowed it and blew it out of his nose. It was really really gross. Then later, the same guy stuck this tube through his nose into his stomach and poured all this shit into it: 5 hour energy, coffee, monster, sobe, pepto bismol... all sorts of things. Then he stuck another tube into his stomach and sucked it all back out, which was subsequently served to all the other 'freaks,' who drank it like shots. I thought I might barf. They finished the night by the very same guy swallowing a sword with this bar attatched to it in a perpendicular way and attatched 80-something pounds of weight to it.

Then I missed another Monday, because I'm a fucking failure.

The week was all Honor Choir after that. We met the guest conductor, who was amazing, and had our concert on Thursday. I think it went well. If I get videos and shit of it, I'll post links.

School-wise, this week I also had an essay for AP English, a Calculus test, and my notebook to turn in for Biotechnology. I think the essay was okay, I got an 82 on the test, and I lost my notebook.

Because of that last fact, I have a very very low F in Biotechnology I. I don't even think it's one that I can bring up. I don't even want to tell you because it's so bad. Do you want to know what this means? I'm going to be put onto academic probation. Academic probation is when your grades are substandard, so they tell you that you have one semester to fix them or you won't be allowed to be at that school anymore. If that happens, honestly, suicide will be my only option.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have nothing left. I only have a few friends anymore because I don't feel like trying to be happy all the time, my grades have gone completely down the toilet, my heart feels empty and distended... I'm so shattered and no one sees it.